I am staring in the mirror, realizing that my pain has finally caught up with me. No more distracting myself through relationships, jobs, or people-fixing. Right now, it’s me and these four walls.
What stares back are the many years of insecurities, shame, anger, and sorrow. I can’t understand how to detach from these feelings.
My identity has been connected to pain for so long that I do not know myself outside of it. Pain that has pierced my heart so profoundly that it feels like I have become it. In this mirror, I see a girl who is fierce and strong but weak and powerless at the same time.
It hurts because I so desperately want to be happy and freed from these thoughts and feelings.
Sometimes I look at myself, and feel an ounce of compassion; other times, I get sad.
I get sad because when I look at myself, I see the little girl inside of me who does not know her place in this big world. She doesn’t know who she is outside of her past. And now, I (the adult) must lead her to destiny.
It has been comfortable sitting in this pain all these years. It has also been equally distressing, draining the life out of me. So, I must find a way to get up and plant my feet on Earth’s ground.
Because I belong here.
And I know these three things to be true:
01. I am capable of rising out of this pain.
I have endured many things that caused me to question my strength. There have been life-shattering moments that have scared the hell out of me, leaving me feeling unsafe within. But I can rise out of this dark place! I will start by washing my face and making my bed today because I know that when I place one foot in front of the other, it is a step towards my healing.
02. I am beautiful beyond my scars.
I am a diamond buried under dirt, and now, I am rising to the surface.
Every part of me is beautiful. From my internal soul that hosts a caring and loving heart. To my beautiful brown eyes and gorgeous smile. I am a beautiful soul. Even that potato-shaped nose of mines that makes me cringe is beautiful.
My insecurities will no longer take the lead in my life, and pain will no longer make me bow my head in shame.
My beauty does not come from outside validation; it comes from inner security. My beauty comes from knowing that my scars are a part of me, and they, too, are beautiful.
03. I have positive traits.
There is a good person buried underneath the brokenness. I must remind myself of my positive qualities. I will not be immersed in negativity, thinking that this is all there is to me because it is not.
The way that I look at myself matters. When I look in the mirror, I remember that I am a warrior and a beautiful soul. I am not this negative, sorrowful girl that I have always believed that I was. I am not merely my scars and trauma. There is more to my story than this.
I must create a new identity that is not attached to brokenness. I must seek to honor my positive qualities and love myself beyond the rain.
Your human that’s healing.